I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
