I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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