Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
