life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
