Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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