We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
