and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
