Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
