twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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