Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
