Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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