I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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