ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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