where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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