I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
