Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
