I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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