Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
