New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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