awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
