it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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