so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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