You're my little dorito
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm too high and old for this...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
