Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
