My nipple is on Facebook.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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