need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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