I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
