i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are the jesus of drinking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
