We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
