I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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