Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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