If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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