Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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