uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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