You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
