did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
