pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
