I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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