My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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