Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
