I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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