I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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