Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
