Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
