So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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