Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
