You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize