We're like a lot better than the average bears
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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