mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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