I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
