there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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