We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
