respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
