Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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