I wish my penis had an off switch
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i out mim tonsoeep
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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