I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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