dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
