It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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