Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
