It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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