there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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