K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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