Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
