I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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