If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
