so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
