I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
