This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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