He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
