the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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