Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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