I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
