afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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