we have pet lesbian snakes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
