I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
