I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
