I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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