I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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