Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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