The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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