She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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