mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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