i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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